Your WORTH is IMPORTANT!

Did you know that you’re important and that you are worth so much more than you think you are? Did you know that you were created so uniquely and that there is a divine plan and calling upon your life to fulfil purpose. Did you know that your beauty is set apart from the rest and that there is NO ONE on this planet that has the ability to be YOU? Did you know that you are a precious diamond in the eyes of others and that you have all the potential to be exactly what you would like to be? You are amazing, you are incredible and are of priceless value because your expense is beyond figures and not even money could buy something as valuable as YOU.

Now as you read this, I would like for you to allow these beautiful words to soak into you and allow this TRUTH to minister to your soul, tug at the strings of your heart and enter the reality of your mind. I also want you to hold onto this divine truth especially when times get hard and always remember that regardless of what has happened to you that: YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!

You are worth it not only because I have said you are but because there is a genuine purpose for your life that is destined to be fulfilled and you are the only one that can accomplish it. You have been created because of your speciality, uniqueness and because of everything that is placed inside of you. You have been called to impact, blow and encourage the minds of others and there could have been no better person to be picked than YOU. You are beautiful unstoppable, unshakable and have been fearlessly made. Your fingerprint is unique and there is no one on this earth that could possible compare to how special you are as a person. You are bold, confident and are a walking manifestation of strength and of what you have overcome and because of this you are so worth it!

You are not a product of your environment and you are not the reason why your past has happened to you but what you carry now and because of what you’ve been through is going to impact nations and so many people around you. You will accomplish great things and will never be held back by your past experiences and because of this; you will continue to go from strength to strength. Your fearless character and undeniable strength is what will continually encourage others and even in the midst of your weaknesses you will feel amplified because you know that what you carry is greater than what is behind you.

You are a treasured soul and there is a reason why you survived the many things that you did I just want you to keep on fighting and trusting the process of your journey. Your strength supersedes all and you are an individual of virtue. And the pain that you once encountered will soon turn into purpose. Your happiness is important to me and I promise you that you will learn to smile again. The real joy that you’ve always dreamt of will no longer be a dream but it will be made your new reality. Your life will never be the same and everlasting healing will overtake you and you will no longer look back because what is placed in front of you is going to BEAUTIFUL.

 

PICKING UP THE PIECES

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LIFE AFTER THE ABUSE

“No matter what, we must keep moving forward, even if we have to crawl.”
Kellie Elmore

Moving on after the abuse has always been the hardest work I could ever have done. I ask myself the question, ……..WHY ME? The thought of the abuse, the questions I have had to ask myself, the words that were running through my mind, what I wished I could have done at the time of the abuse and after the abuse filled my heart.

Hear this lady………It’s strange how surviving abuse can impact you, even several years after the incident. Transitioning from being actively victimised to surviving the escape from the abuse into survivorship can be a very tough road to walk on. There’s never a landmark to use.

In my silence over the past several months, I have tried to simultaneously run away from memories which I’m tired of replaying, voices in my head I wish I could silence, nightmares I can’t escape, and old wounds that I just want to heal. Once December arrives each year, I begin to play back all the memories again and chaos reigns in my head. One thing I learned was to hide the suffering, the pain, the disappointment ect….at all cost so no one will see the evidence of the struggle evading my eyes.

Is it worth the camouflage, the despair? Is it weakness that leads me to hide and shield my vulnerability? Sadly, this is the society we live in now and many young women are suffering in this manner.

[Elaine]…..Before I was abused, I had long waged a battle with PTSD and major depressive episodes accompanied by suicidal thoughts. It’s a war that now at the age 40, I’m tired of fighting. It’s never a permanent victory and I am emotionally devastated by the several episodes yet I’m grateful that I pull through every time. I’M STRONG AND FIERCE

At some point after the incident of abuse, I plunged into a major depressive episode that lasted for a long time. I was not equipped or mentally prepared to handle the severe depression as it crashed head-on into PTSD. There were times that it became so oppressive I verbalised to others that I worth nothing because I couldn’t mentally handle the aftermath.

So often, when it comes to those of who daily battle against depression or several other conditions, we are shamed into silence. We’re expected to keep this hidden, because it makes others uncomfortable. They assume we’re weak or seeking attention or using the massive, crushing weight of these legitimate mental health conditions as an excuse to avoid responsibility.
Research strongly demonstrate that physical and mental health problems resulting from sexual abuse and rape can be significant. Untreated impacts of abuse can continue to impact on survivors in the form of depression, anxiety, impaired interpersonal relationships, parenting difficulties, eating difficulties, drugs and alcohol misuse to cope with strong feelings.

#lifeaftertheabuse

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The only thing I remember vividly was fighting so hard to free myself from the beast, the liar and the perpetrator! I fought with all my strength. He held me so tightly…I could not breathe.

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My eyes were filled with tears. I was suddenly gasping for air. My frail body was pleading for help. My voice was shaking. I gathered all the strength I could find and cried out so loudly but no one seemed to hear me. The mere thought of the pain and loneliness surrounding that incident sends shivers down my spine!

On that fateful day, the perpetrator who was supposed to protect me suggested we go out for meal. This was someone well respected by the family. Someone I trusted so much. I never entertained the thought that he could harm me. He told me to feel at home. He emphasized on the fact that I had nothing to worry about. Little did I know that I was actually the PREY.

After that day, my world was shuttered. My life seemed to be filled solely with pain and shame. Sometimes I will blame myself. Tears behind closed doors were the order of the day. Fear became my partner although I was a lady well admired by many. A confident, beautiful and friendly lady was the person I was. Nothing shook my world as hard as that day. The day the beast came to destroy me! I was afraid to speak about it. I covered it all up with my beautiful make-up, the expensive clothes and the beautiful hairstyles. The cover up really worked.

The abuse was tearing my world apart. But guess what? I eventually found courage and confidence and broke the silence. Not only have I become whole but I have also become a VOICE to many victims. My life is now whole. The broken ME have now become WHOLE. I am mentally FREE!

Studies prove that women, in particular, feel shame, because they are often blamed for being sexually abused. Even today, women are accused of causing their own victimization with comments like, “what did she expect when she dresses like she does?”

Ladies what would you prefer? A life that is whole, free of pain, free of fear, free of depression or you‘ll rather be silent about the ABUSE.

You are a GEM. You are CONFIDENT and BEAUTIFUL. You are COURAGEOUS. You can do this. You can also get your life back. Let’s rise up and make a difference. Your VOICES really count. Together we can make a difference.

#speakout

#stopsexualabuse

#MeToo

 

SILENCE PROTECTS THE PERPETRATOR AND IMPRISONS THE VICTIM. TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE; AND BREAK THE SILENCE.

“You betrayed my trust, took advantage of my trust and sexually abused me hundreds of times”, …..Alexis Moore

“After every appointment, I couldn’t wait to get home to shower because I always left his office feeling so dirty. Yet no amount of showers made me feel clean” ……Madeleine Jones

You talked to me about Church stuff while you sexually violated me. You sent me all these godly messages while you took advantage of me. You clearly never took that to heart. You saw me, a child of God , an object you could use to make yourself feel much more powerful. You took away my power, my self worth, my emotional development and my innocence. You took my leniency to be my weakness. Because of you, I’ve tried to commit suicide. During the suicide attempts, I’d walk down the hallway to my bedroom, accepting I was going to die. And I felt this overwhelming sense of relief because I finally didn’t have to live thinking that my life didn’t mean anything. Now I understand that I lived because I made a conscious decisions to BREAK THE SILENCE. #MeToo

The vast majority of offenders do not look, act, or speak in any way that would identify them as sex offenders. They rarely wear trench coats or masks. They are hard to spot, but not because they are in disguise. ITS BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE YOU AND I. HARMLESS IS THE WORD!

According to recent research, there is a specific, damaging myth that women fabricate rape and abuse accusations to ruin men’s lives, and that stops so many women from reporting what happened to them. Survivors worry that they won’t be believed. There’s also a stigma. Some survivors may believe that being assaulted makes them “damaged goods,” and they are therefore afraid of being judged for something that is completely not their fault.

Here is the thing, “KEEPING SEXUAL ABUSE A SECRET WON’T MAKE IT STOP. SWEEPING IT UNDER THE RUG WON’T KEEP US SAFE. WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT.!”

#yourvoicematters
#MeToo
#stopsexualabusenow
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FEAR HELD HER BOUND!

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He who has overcome his fears will truly be free……. Aristotle

Fear is a very big deal. It generally leaves its “slaves” completely frozen or rather incapacitated. 

Slave may feel like a rather harsh word but fear literally binds you and keeps you in shackles!

Have you considered what will be left of you if you remain crippled with fear all of your life? Have you thought of what it means to have your entire future bottled up because of fear?

Not to even talk of the traumas you have to face every day!

Why did she have to go through this horrible experience and be left incapacitated for most of her life? Doesn’t she have the right to feel as humanly privileged as her male counterparts? 

My biggest fear has always been the fear of speaking out about my experiences. Just talking about it makes my heart beat. Life has taught me that the universe will continuously throw something hard at me but the choice is mine. It is either I face life and come out shining or I let life face me and leave me broken!

The thought of talking about the sexual abuse caused her to contemplate suicide. The fear of being stigmatised and rejected by the immediate family left her frozen. The fear of getting pregnant the 2nd time and being forced to have an abortion crippled her and stole away her sense of belonging. The fear of speaking out caused her to harm herself. She did not feel loved. She believed the world hated her. The experience was unbearable. She lived in fear most of her life. She told herself there was no more life for her. Getting pregnant the 2nd time due to the sexual abuse would have sent her into an early grave.      This is the story of a beautiful 19 year old girl!. 

Studies suggest that the chance of getting pregnant from one- time, unprotected intercourse is between 3.1% -5%, depending on a multitude of factors, including the time of the month intercourse occurs, whether contraceptives were used and the age of the female. The average number of rapes and sexual assaults against females of childbearing is approximately 250,000. This is a general estimate and the actual number may differ from country to country. This statistic presents information from number of different studies.

She didn’t need to go through this horrible experience for someone’s selfish desire.  Her life was shattered and bottled down for years. Thank God for the counselling and support she received. Now she has bounced back a lot stronger and she decided to face life. She is actively empowering many women out there.

 To the ladies out there…NEVER LET YOUR FEAR DECIDE YOUR BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL FUTURE.  Let’s all rise up for the fight against sexual abuse

#stopsexualabusenow#

#EmpoweringWomenNow#

DON’T BE QUIET ABOUT IT… SPEAK OUT!!!

Imagine something precious got stolen from you and fortunately, you knew the thief who took the item. What will you do? I assume most people including myself will do 2 things; confront the person or report it to the police or authorities. 

Would you be able to report an incident of rape or sexual abuse in the same way you would report your stolen item if you were a victim? How will you treat an incident of sexual abuse if it happens to you? 

It has always been difficult and challenging to report cases of sexual abuse because of fear of rejection, judgemental comments, stigmatisation, being accused of falsehood, fear of families falling apart and the fear of being diagnosed of sexually transmitted disease. 

Isn’t it crazy that we easily open up about other crimes that affect us than that of  painful experiences of sexual abuse? Isn’t it also painful when something so precious like your sexuality is taken / stolen by someone who doesn’t deserve it? And isn’t it even more painful when you have been threatened not to speak out? 

Sexual abuse has become a norm in our society, at our place of works, among friends, in our families and even in our churches …a place some of us go for solace. Research shows that about  33% of victims who are sexually abused or raped , contemplate suicide. Imagine the society we live in? Statistic shows that 1 in 3 girls are sexually abused before the age of 16 and 1 in 5 women are sexually abused daily.

Why should you speak out ? And who should you speak to? 

Do you know that speaking out can easily heal your broken emotions, provide mental stability and serve as a therapy for your physical recovery? Again, you can get both counselling , medical support and self defence training from social institutions when you master the courage to share your story. Be encouraged to report incident of this sort to the police, someone in high authority or someone you trust to help you through the healing process. Never be afraid to mention your offender’s name for justice to take it course.

THE TIME TO SPEAK OUT IS NOW ! DON’T BE QUIET ABOUT IT!

#stopsexualabusenow