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“No matter what, we must keep moving forward, even if we have to crawl.”
Kellie Elmore

Moving on after the abuse has always been the hardest work I could ever have done. I ask myself the question, ……..WHY ME? The thought of the abuse, the questions I have had to ask myself, the words that were running through my mind, what I wished I could have done at the time of the abuse and after the abuse filled my heart.

Hear this lady………It’s strange how surviving abuse can impact you, even several years after the incident. Transitioning from being actively victimised to surviving the escape from the abuse into survivorship can be a very tough road to walk on. There’s never a landmark to use.

In my silence over the past several months, I have tried to simultaneously run away from memories which I’m tired of replaying, voices in my head I wish I could silence, nightmares I can’t escape, and old wounds that I just want to heal. Once December arrives each year, I begin to play back all the memories again and chaos reigns in my head. One thing I learned was to hide the suffering, the pain, the disappointment ect….at all cost so no one will see the evidence of the struggle evading my eyes.

Is it worth the camouflage, the despair? Is it weakness that leads me to hide and shield my vulnerability? Sadly, this is the society we live in now and many young women are suffering in this manner.

[Elaine]…..Before I was abused, I had long waged a battle with PTSD and major depressive episodes accompanied by suicidal thoughts. It’s a war that now at the age 40, I’m tired of fighting. It’s never a permanent victory and I am emotionally devastated by the several episodes yet I’m grateful that I pull through every time. I’M STRONG AND FIERCE

At some point after the incident of abuse, I plunged into a major depressive episode that lasted for a long time. I was not equipped or mentally prepared to handle the severe depression as it crashed head-on into PTSD. There were times that it became so oppressive I verbalised to others that I worth nothing because I couldn’t mentally handle the aftermath.

So often, when it comes to those of who daily battle against depression or several other conditions, we are shamed into silence. We’re expected to keep this hidden, because it makes others uncomfortable. They assume we’re weak or seeking attention or using the massive, crushing weight of these legitimate mental health conditions as an excuse to avoid responsibility.
Research strongly demonstrate that physical and mental health problems resulting from sexual abuse and rape can be significant. Untreated impacts of abuse can continue to impact on survivors in the form of depression, anxiety, impaired interpersonal relationships, parenting difficulties, eating difficulties, drugs and alcohol misuse to cope with strong feelings.


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Author: amacares

Many women are sexually abused daily and are not able to speak about it. AmaCares is a project which helps to empower women, provide support and counselling.

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